I'm not an Expert. I'm a Generalist.

Awhile ago I had supervision with my supervisor and I told her that I felt like I've been dealing with the fact that at this time I can't be good at everything, but decent at most things.  Unusually, I was able to come to a quick realization that I'm not an Expert, but rather a Generalist.  


I have to share what started this train of thought...I picked up Aylen from daycare and he was wearing sweet PINK pants.  I was informed that he had a bit of an accident and needed pants and we hadn't left any for him.  For some reason this hit me hard that I had dropped off my responsibilities as a mom to have all the things that Aylen needed at daycare.  I know most people are saying..."Megan, it was just pants.  Give yourself a break."  But it's more that the pink pants are symbolic of various things going on in my life.  


I sometimes am so tired by the time that I get home that I find myself being short with the boys.  In my mind I wish I was more patient, more creative with things to do, more content just being with the boys.  Sometimes I'm at my job and I just sit starting at the computer-knowing that I need to more on data or pull a student or FIND some darn SELF-ESTEEM packets for students to work on..BUT I don't have motivation.  


With my hubby, I want to do crazy fun date nights.  I want to dress up for him.  I want to do fun girl nights and go dancing and BE a fun girl.


BUT it's so hard.  I'm tired.  I'm pulled in multiple directions.  And sometimes the mantra of doing the best you can with what you have is seriously what I live by.  I want to try harder.  I want to fit it all in.  I'm trying to find balance.  

I think back to when it was Russ and I and no kids. I think back to when I was in school and 3+ jobs.  I managed that like a bad-A#@.  I rocked school, and could use my planner like a PRO to figure out how to work all 3 of my jobs.  I kind of sucked in the social area.  BUT man I had it all under control.  Now...yea....it's pretty much not like that.  

I know how to do the Mommy basics (showing love and keeping them alive!), but I'm in a constant mode of trying to figure things out.  How to get your child to sleep?  How hard is too hard when something falls on a child's head?  How to keep your life interesting with you partner with two young kids?  How to pretend you slept well at work when you didn't?  How to get in "me" time?  How to learn fun things like tennis, rock climbing, etc?  How do I get my legs to fit in my old pants?  How to experience Colorado with young kids?  So much to figure out!


So maybe this is good for me.  I always said I liked school.  I'm a life long learner baby...trying to figure out and then refigure out and refigure out again how to be a great Wife, Mommy, and be me!


Tough stuff sometimes.


Love,
Momma