Happy 7 months of Breastfeeding Ryker-29!
It was weird this time around. First of all while pregnant I wasn't looking forward to breastfeeding Ryker. I wasn't an ignorant soul like I was with Aylen. I knew the commitment, the pressure, and the pain! I knew that it meant 1 WHOLE year of pumping, constantly calculating ounces, comparing intakes and outtakes, building stashes and watching them deplete, passing on Girl Weekends or trips away from Ryker, figuring out when to pump at work, labeling milk baggies, crying over spilt milk, and ALL night long buffets.
But what I didn't take into account when I was busy stressing over this impending task was the ability to excuse myself to gain some private time with my baby, watch him look up at me and smile and giggle, the joy of putting him on a scale and see his weight climb and know that it was ALL ME that made this boy grow, the ability to reconnect after a work day together in the most special way possible, and amazing cuddle and nap time together.
I somehow let the stressors take over the space in my head.
And then Ryker came.
And everything changed in my head. On Day 2(or what is 3?) Ryker had to go to the hospital to spend the night due to high Billirubin. The answer for that whole hospital visit was NURSING. Nurse to make the pain of needle pokes feel better, nurse to help the body eliminate the high Billirubin levels, and nurse to make sure Ryker knew his Momma was there.
From the moment I saw Ryker I had no issue with nursing him. The second time around was physically so much easier. And when I returned to work, I started the dreading pumping. Honestly, though...I welcomed the break from my emotionally saturated work. I got really good at nursing while I drove my place to place. And of course I experienced the stress that was COMPLETELY self-imposed of--Am I producing enough? Am I pumping enough?
But honestly it's been good. Really good. And I wouldn't change it for the world.
Love,
Momma
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