I survived and I'm surviving.

BEWARE DEEP post coming.  Enter at your own Risk!

I survived my first day of unemployment, I mean not working, I mean Being FREE.  I'm still working on what not having a job means for me.  I've decided that I don't think that I could do it forever.  It makes me feel vulnerable for some reason.  I'm just being honest.

I put Aylen in daycare yesterday and I proceeded to get my house figured out.  I feel like lately my house is really symbolic of our life.  A chaotic mess.  I mean things aren't necessarily bad, they are just like our clothes and dishes-ALL OVER THE PLACE.

So here is the DL on the life of us.  I quit my job.  Loved the work, wasn't the best fit for me.  I'm potentially staying home for a bit.  But maybe we are going to Colorado.  I've put in a few applications, I've done a few interviews.  My current thoughts are leading me to question my degree-and wonder if I should pursue an accounting degree.  Like I said up above...ALL  OVER THE PLACE. 

The accounting degree.  I have always loved numbers, but then again I have always loved helping people.  But let's be honest... helping people usually doesn't pay the bills.  So yes, it is something that fulfills the social piece of making a difference-but it is something that really isn't valued all that much by society--or maybe I should say that it isn't valued monetarily by society.  Sometimes I wonder if this is something that many people in Social Worky fields struggle with...  Especially when they have families.  The kids need clothes.  The kids need food.  And a roof over our head is nice too.  And how do you maintain all of those things when you can only make $15/hour.  That's where having a partner comes in handy.  A partner that makes more than $15/hour.  But is that fair to them?  Is it fair that they must make more money?

Lord this is what downtime does to me.  I think. 

I've been operating off of the hope that things will work out for us.  Part of me wants to live and let live with this mantra, but the other part of me wants to have some control in the whole bit.  So right now I'm trying to figure out what I have control over, and what I don't.  And then the stuff that I do have control over---what is worth it and what isn't.

Again.  Help my poor head.  I guess these times are good.  There are times in life where I feel like I'm just going through the routine and not questioning my choices, my life, my way of being.  And I feel like it is good to sit down and do an audit.  Most importantly answering the question.  AM.I.HAPPY?  What does being happy mean to me and what do I need to do that will make myself more happy? 

Not that happiness is everything, but it sure is something.


So if you could raise your glass of water, coffee, beer or wine-and let's say a toast:

May you have the hindsight to know where you've been
the foresight to know where you're going
and the insight to know when you're going too far.

Love you all,

Momma

Thank you for all that you do.

This post.  This post right here...it explains my life lately....CLICK HERE.

I took a risk.  And before I took this risk, I thought and thought and talked and talked.  I talked to all of my parents and parents-in-law, I talked to Aylen, and social workers, I talked to my husband, I talked to therapists, and family, I talked to people who really knew me and others that just met me.  And I thought.  I thought all day and all night.  I didn't sleep well,  and I didn't eat either.  I asked, what would you do?  I looked at the budget, I journaled.  And I finally made a decision.  I stood up for myself.  I said no to bullies, and yes to myself.  I was lucky to be in a situation where I could do that.  

It's amazing in times where stress is creeping in--heck BLOWING in like a Nebraska blizzard, that I have an AWESOME support system.  I have people near and far that help me out.  I HAVE people who will listen to me, text me, call me, and bring clarity to my babblings.  And I'm so lucky.  So thank you all.  

And a special thanks to my husband, Russell.  He dealt with a lady who was semi-present for a whole week and more.  He pitched in a bit more, allowed me time to talk and vent, encouraged me to talk with others--and most of all MADE it known that we were going to be ok.  No matter what.  I love him.

I love you all.  Thank you for everything!

-Momma

Grandpas are...

Just antique little boys.


love you pa,
the momma

Big Up my Parents!

We had such a great time!  And props to my parents for EVERYTHING!  Here are some highlights!
-Aylen was a rock star on the airplane! No crying AT aLL!  He loved it!
-Dad's pancakes
-Grandpa WALKED Aylen all over the house
-the Excellent Italian restaurant
-Grandma rocked Aylen to sleep
-Swimming at the hotel
-Visit by Mern
-Walking in the city!

Ultimately it was great to get pampered and watch my parents play with Aylen!  Russ and I say on a weekly basis how lucky we are to have such great parents , and such awesome Grandparents (on both sides) for Aylen.  We truly are blessed!

Love you all,
Momma!

The Cure for Colic

This video was when we were in Colorado at my bff's.  This is taken at 4 in the morning, and we had literally been up all night long.  And he continually cried. Gives me the chills remembering that time. 

Anyways, I've been meaning to write this post for awhile because I had received this email from my father in law.  And I decided I had figure out the cure for colic.... Are you ready?  I'm going to make millions on this....

The cure for colic is....
(drum roll......)

SUPPORT GROUPS for Parent Survivors of Colic.

After talking with fellow mommies who had experienced colic--I felt INSTANTLY Better.  It was amazing!  So please spread the word.  If someone tells you their baby has colic--hook them up with me or with another person whose baby had colic.

I wear my badge with pride.

-the momma
Colic Survivor