A letter to my Future Self

Dear Megan,

Reminder for you:  First summer in Colorado, you had 2 boys ages 6 months and 2 years.  You just completed the craziest, scariest, most intense in every aspect possible YEAR of your life.   And I just have to say you Freakin Rocked it.  Yup you sure did.  You balanced life with two little ones like a gymnast balances on the beam.  Stellar.  You managed to have very little of the days when you prayed that Russ would get home quickly or else you might just go insane.  Seriously insane.  Instead you were able to let yourself enjoy and appreciate the time you had with your boys.  You played legos, visited parks, went swimming, mastered the bike trailer with both boys, created with paint and chalk, and hung out in sandboxes.   You resisted the voice in your head that said, "Just stay home.  It will be easier."  Heck no.  You ventured to Ikea, up to Estes Park for a dinner date with your BFF, splashparks with friends, and watched planes at the airport with the hubby for lunch.  You made a couple new friends, stayed in touch with old friends, and enjoyed the company of out-of-town friends.  In fact, you played hostess on a weekly basis.  Cleaning sheets, making beds, cleaning the house, adjusting boys to a schedule that would be destroyed (in a good way) when family and friends came to visit- WAS your life most of the summer.  You also managed to work out on a regular basis.  It wasn't the half-marathon training that you were wanting to do-but who are we kidding.  That would be near to impossible at that time.  In fact that probably would have been severely not fun. 

You also were selfless, but you also were selfish.  You instituted some GIRL only time, a rarity in this house with all boys-even the dog is in the male club.  You learned a NEW sport, tennis.  A sport that can be enjoyed throughout all the years.  You REMEMBERED how important and essential competition is in your life, and found a new sport that could fill that void.  You started reading books again even if they were the trashy-50 Shades of Grey-you still allowed yourself time to remember how much you enjoyed getting lost in something else's reality (or fantasies???:)).  You created a Visual Journal and even made a few entries.  You remembered who Sark was, and let her inspire you.  Whether the Facebook/Blogger world liked it or not you kept people up to date on the cutest picture of the boys or newest sayings by Aylen.  You learned how to lap swim, which you only did once and it made you feel completely out of shape (swimming shape) but you still learned how.  You went dancing-and you shook it like you used to.  You left your work at work, and seriously never thought about it all.summer.long (you might have checked email occasionally-something to work on for next summer).  You GOT your tattoos, and have actively worked on creating your next ones.

And lastly, you were you and investigated ways to make more money.  You looked up schooling information on School Counseling and Finance/Accounting.  You calculated salaries and deducted daycare.  You spoke with several people about this on a regular basis.  You ruminated on how a job as important as yours is not  valued financially more by society.  You reminded yourself why you do the work and that you don't get paid in dollars, but in helping someone make a better choice/find who they are/believe in themselves.

So Megan, I hope when you are reading this you have finally come to peace with your profession, your calling, your religion.  A quote that you have always followed, "When I do good, I feel good.  When I do bad, I feel bad."  (Thanks Abe Franklin).  This is your calling.  You do good by helping people, and then you feel good.  I hope that you have taken care of yourself, because taking care of others can easily become a lifestyle and before you know it you have taken care of everything and everyone, BUT yourself.  This year you realized you had already began to experience this....perhaps a natural phenomenon that can happen when you go from a single woman to a married wife with children.  But you found out that this wasn't the best way and you have worked hard, real hard at remembering who you are, what you believe in, and what you deserve.  Please, please tell me that you have remembered to allow yourself time and space to reflect on how you are doing in all aspects of your life.  This is important.

And seriously good freakin work lady.  You are truly awesome.  You totally survived this crazy time and you loved it.  You were meant to be challenged in this world.  

Love,

Momma Megan