the waiting place

oh the places you'll go.  that book is stellar!  and the Wisdom of the waiting place is great to.  so many people out there are just waiting, instead of doing.  I feel like I'm currently in my waiting place.  i'm waiting for this precious little one to be born!  i'm waiting to see what you look like, how you are, how you'll arrive, how you'll change our family...  i had a talk with a woman yesterday and i would summarize my feelings right now as excitement.  I feel like i'm in such a great spot with life right now that i can't say I have too much anxiety about it all.

this is day 3 of being off work.  yup that's right-I didn't get to make it to my goal of working til the baby came.  Too much heartache and struggle at work right now, paired with my bigger than average heart, combined with the fact that my body is focusing on life right now and less about about work, I was left with some higher than appropriate blood pressure readings.

i'll admit there was some kicking and screaming about being taken out of work.  I wanted all this time to be with baby, and not for myself.  however; after i had a very emotional day last wednesday i knew that it was time.  time to focus on me, and as the aforementioned lady said in her German accent, "it's time to focus on zzzzz life inzide of you."  maybe part of it feels selfish-i know, right? thanks dad;)  but it's hard to take time off.  because everyone else is still working-my colleagues, russ... it's like life is going on and i'm trying to find out where the heck i am supposed to be.  but i've decided i'm supposed to be here, not there.  

Here listening to my body and what it needs- rest, water, exercise, food.  I finally can hear what it has to say because i'm here, and not over there helping that kid out, or answering that phone, or running there to get a kid out of class, or doing this or that.  and i know I'm lucky.  I'm lucky because i'm able to be out of work a bit earlier, i really do not take that for granted because i know that isn't an option for everyone.

so far my days are pretty wonderful-  workouts, pedicure, naps, breathing, lots of home waterbirth videos, quietness.  And it's working, my blood pressure is behaving (well for the most part-I've diagnosed myself with White Coat Syndrome but that's another story).

this is my last pregnancy.  this is my last few weeks with EVER having a little one in me stretching, kicking my bladder, pedaling around.  so i'm not in the waiting place necessarily.  i'm exactly where I need to be, with excitement for the future.

:) Love,
momma